You may or may not want babies, but sure as hell not right now. And you don’t want STDs at any point in time. That’s why you use protection. But you’re not going to be able to maintain your reputation as a man who always traps his seed with the vigilance of a big game hunter if the coronavirus causes a world-wide condom shortage — and it might.
The pandemic has shut down everything, including the Malaysia-based Karex — the company that makes one out of every five condoms in the world in their three factories in China and India. Both countries are in heavy lockdown, to stop the spread of coronavirus, leading to all three factories going an entire week without making a single horny hoodie. A week-long disruption in the manufacturing line means there will be 100 million fewer condoms available in the near future to keep your streak of making your sperm feel like they’ve narrowly escaped an exploding Death Star only to be ensnared in another one of your dastardly latex contraptions alive.
Karex was given permission to restart production with its workforce halved, but even then they might have to rely on their emergency stock of condoms which will only last two months. One saving grace is that the dating scene isn’t exactly thriving right now (“Netflix and possibly land in the ICU?” doesn’t really work as a Tinder pick-up line). That means the biggest threats to their emergency stash are 1) couples who were always too tired to have sex after a long day of work, that have now been gifted the opportunity to have sex during conference calls and 2) people who need rubber gloves in a pinch. Let’s hope those prophylactic mega-consumers don’t fuck through our supplies so thoroughly that next year the world creates a Gen-C, the coronavirus baby boom.
Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin’s BunnyEars.com and his “Meditation Minute” segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on Youtube!
Top image: Pixabay/Bru-nO